Maybe Liverpool Should Play Young Boys Every Week

"Can we play Young Boys every week?" Liverpool fans must have been asking.

They can't, of course - although, thanks to a disastrous end to the transfer window, the Reds are now in a position where they do at least have to play young boys every week. So there's a bright side.

Inspired by the substitute performance of Jonjo Shelvey (a.k.a. Lord Voldemort if he had a nose - there's one that can't be unseen), Liverpool sort of smashed the Swiss 5-3 despite fielding 10 players whose combined ages added up to that of the 11th, Jamie Carragher.

One has to pity Carragher, who was presumably there as the Designated Dad, chaperoning all the toddlers and taking them out for ice-cream after the game as a team bonding exercise. He probably would have preferred to be at home; apparently there was some good football on the telly that he could have been watching instead.

No wonder the veteran lump was doddering around, glassy-eyed and threatening to score his millionth own goal. Poor Jamie was never made for an age in which kids are named things like "Andre Wisdom" without it being some kind of musical pseudonym. To see him left standing in the brand-new playground can only be more depressing for him than it is for watching nostalgics (or those who just like watching footballers who can outpace continental drift).

And anyway, should it even be OK for Brendan Rodgers to gather a group of young boys and tell them to go out and beat Young Boys? WWLTW takes youth crime very seriously.